Years Apart
by Acid-Rain2912
Summary: The story of Lily and James, reimagined for if he was two years ahead of her at school. AU in the sense that the nature of their relationship is very different. Full of school crushes and tender moments. (Reviews are a girl's best friend!)
1. Chapter 1

Hello and thanks for reading!

As advertised, this story is very AU. This main thing I changed from cannon were the main characters' birthdays, both in season and year. Because of this, James was older and more mature when he met Lily (who, herself, was younger and less mature), and so they didn't have years of hating each other. Similarly, since Lily was so much younger than Snape, they never really met, and he got more heavily into the dark arts at an earlier age. Also, since writing this, I discovered that what year you start Hogwarts is dependent on your age as of September 1st, but for this story, it's how public schools do it – that is, your age as of January 1st. This chapter covers an entire school year, so I hope you like it and please review!

Ooooo

Ooooo

Ooooo

Lily Evans was a shy girl. She had always leaned toward the shy disposition, but when she started at Hogwarts at the age of eleven, she felt completely out of place and had become even more introverted. She had a few people with whom she was friendly, but she was far from some of the outgoing, popular girls in her year. It came as a great surprise to her, then, when someone interrupted her breakfast with a greeting.

"Hello," the voice said cheerily. She looked up and recognized him as James Potter, an attractive fourth year she'd heard her friends swoon over countless times before. She instantly felt nervous and self-conscious.

"Hello," she returned tentatively, with obvious question in her voice.

"How're you doing this fine morning?" he asked with a chipper smile, taking a slice of toast from her plate and munching on it.

"Why are you here?" she questioned instead of answering. She had a terrible feeling she was falling victim to some horrible prank.

"Can't a friendly student take interest in a fellow Gryffindor?" He was already half way through the toast.

"Not usually, no," she informed him cautiously. He responded with a melodramatic sigh.

"Fine, you've got me," he admitted, finishing off the toast. "My mates were insinuating that I was antisocial, and would be 'lost without them'," he told her, making mime quotation marks at the last phrase. "I decided I'd prove them wrong by coming over here and striking up a conversation with a dashing… third year? Really? I thought I knew all the third years," he said frankly.

"What makes you think I'm a third year?" Lily asked, confused.

"Your copy of 'Standard Book of Spells, Year 3'," James explained, reaching across the table and grabbing her pumpkin juice.

Lily watched, astonished at his audacity, as the enigmatic boy took a large swig from her glass. "Oh, I just like to study ahead in my spare time. I'm in second year." This earned her a laugh so forceful, several drops of her pumpkin juice were lost in the process.

"Are you for serious?" James asked her, still guffawing.

"Err, yes," she said, unsure what about her statement would have elicited this reaction

"Merlin, chill out, girl," he said, wiping his eyes.

"Chill out?" Lily was aware, somewhere in a recess of her mind, that if this were anyone other than a fit fourth year, she would have lost her temper already. Instead, it seemed a great success that she was still forming words.

"Uh-huh," he nodded. "Deep breath in, deep breath out, you know the drill."

"And why would I want to do that?" Her voice sounded weird to her own ears.

"Because you're only in second year. No need to get your knickers in a twist this early. Just enjoy second year."

Lily had flushed at a mention of her knickers, but she tried to ignore the remark as best as possible. "I think it's been a while since you were in second year, Potter," she said snootily.

"Oh, Evans!" he exclaimed in a show of great distress. "I thought our bond was closer than last names!" When she said nothing, he continued on in a normal voice. "Anyway, it was only two years ago – I remember it fine."

"Really? No Hogsmeade trips, no classes you get to choose, the spells are still boring…" She trailed off, not wanting to admit that those were the only downsides she could think of.

"True, true, true," he acknowledged with a nod of the head at each item. "But look on the bright side," he started. "At least your boobs are finally coming in," he finished with a bold smile and pointed stare at her chest. Lily could feel blood flood her face, colouring it deep crimson. "Maybe soon you'll need a bra with a wire," he told her with a wink. He stood up from his spot, leaving a very mortified Lily still sitting. "See you around, Evans!" he called over his shoulder.

Lily slumped her head down on the table in front of her, deeply resenting how much power older boys had over her emotions. She thought back to her previous year at Hogwarts, remembering that James's birthday had been in January. What with hers being in December, she mentally reasoned that he was nearly three years older than her. She'd seen him mouth off to teacher and disregard rules; she _knew_ that she should want nothing to do with him, especially with that comment, but she couldn't help but wish he started conversations with her more. _Boys are such trouble,_ she thought grumpily, idly wishing, not for the first time, that Hogwarts had been all girls, allowing her to happily finish going through puberty in peace.

Ooooo

From that point on, James Potter invaded Lily's mind, taking up every spare moment. She tried to avoid staring at him during mealtime, or when they were both in the common room, but she didn't seem to be able to help it. She'd even admitted to Marlene the other day that she adored his hair, something that she never would have done before. Now it seemed like her entire dorm knew her secret, what with their knowing glances and sly mentions of the Quidditch player himself.

It was a fairly average Tuesday night for Lily, which she spending her new average way: casually doing homework whilst simultaneously eyeing James from across the room. However, unlike the past few weeks, where she was able to do this in peace, this time, her stares didn't seem to go unnoticed.

"Hello Evans," a certain raven-haired wizard chirped, plopping himself down next to her on the couch. He promptly stretched his arm out behind her, resting it on the surface of the sofa. Lily was suddenly overcome with an immensely strong desire for that arm to be on her shoulders instead, but she tried to ignore it.

"Hello," she responded nonchalantly, keeping her eyes on her homework.

"What's going on?" he asked casually, knowingly.

"Homework," she said blandly. She was pretty sure she was already blushing, and she wasn't even looking at him.

"Oh, yes, I can see. Quite the diligent student you are, Evans. Eyes never leave the page." He was clearly amused. Lily didn't say anything, focusing all her might on staring at the work in front of her. With a slight sigh, James reached over and plucked the page out from her hands.

"Hey!" she protested, but James silenced her with a finger over her lips, as he looked at her work. Lily was so surprised by the contact, she didn't make a peep, instead going somewhat cross-eyed to stare at his hand; in the process, she noticed that it smelled quite nice.

After a moment, James returned the paper to her. "It depends on the concentration of the beverage and the humidity of the day," he said, answering the first question. He went through the remaining ten in fairly rapid succession.

"Wow, thank you," Lily said, amazed, quickly scribbling down all the answers. "How did you do that?"

"Well, it is second year work," James said with a chuckle. "Plus Transfiguration has always been a special talent of mine." Lily nodded slightly and stared at her hands, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. She was acutely aware of his hazel eyes staring at her out of her peripheral vision. "You know, it might be me, but you seem to be very awkward around me. Is it because I mentioned your barely-b's over there?" he questioned with a gesture at her chest.

Lily looked into the corner, willing herself to be anywhere else. She was amused and enraged, and acted on neither impulse. After a silent moment, James laughed again, standing up. "You're only embarrassed 'cause you're twelve. When someone tells you that in two years, you'll be ecstatic they noticed them at all." With that, he followed Sirius out of the common room. Lily sighed, noting with some entertainment that she never even got a chance to tell him that she was still eleven.

Ooooo

"Hey Pigeon," Lily heard, a moment before she felt an arm on her shoulder. She looked up to see James Potter sit down next to her at the Gryffindor table. She was almost unable to think about anything other than the fact that James Potter had his arm around her.

"Pigeon?" she questioned, looking up.

"We watched Lady and the Tramp in Muggle Studies," one of his friends explained. "He thinks you're like the cocker spaniel." The friend, Remus, Lily thought he was called, took a seat on the other side of the table. Lily had seen Lady and the Tramp when she was much younger, but she had no idea what the nickname 'Pigeon' had to do with the movie and decided to keep this to herself.

"So Pigeon," James continued. "Did you like my gift?"

"Your gift?" Lily had no idea what he was talking about.

"Oh, you didn't find anything at the foot of your bed this morning?"

Lily slammed her hands down on the table and turned to face him fully, gaping. "That was from _you_? How did you even get it up there?"

"A Marauder always has his ways," he said, tapping his nose. "So, did you like it?"

"Did I like finding someone else's bra on top of my things? No, not particularly."

"Oh, nonsense, Pidg, you loved it. Besides, it was time. Aren't most girls your age excited about getting their first bra?"

"No, they're mortified," she corrected blandly. "And even if they were excited, it would be over the prospect of getting a _new_ bra, which this one was not."

"Alright, alright, you got me. It was one of Sirius's birds'."

"That's disgusting. Why did you think I would like that?"

"Because it was very sweet of me! I saw it and thought right of you!"

Lily snorted rather unflatteringly. "Oh, alright," she said with an eye roll. "So you said to yourself, here's something made for breasts! I know someone who sort of has breasts!"

James laughed out loud. "I said, hey, I know someone who's probably a 32A and would appreciate some padding."

"Oh, gee, thanks," Lily told him sarcastically. She was sure she was blushing a little, but she seemed to be getting better at controlling the colour of her face.

"Try it out, see if you like it," he said with a pat on her shoulder. Then he got up and left. Lily watched him go and wondered to herself, somewhat dejectedly, why he never seemed to want to converse for more than two minutes.

Ooooo

Lily was staring into the face of her toad with great disdain. She had never had anything against her toad, but it seemed that he just was unwilling to turn into a water goblet. "Come on Toady," she cooed. "You can do it. You live in water all day anyway – now you'll just hold some!"

Just when she felt thoroughly pathetic, James plunked himself down in the seat opposite hers. "Veraverto," he said clearly, and Lily watched as her toad turned into a pristine, sparkling glass goblet.

"Now that's just unfair," She grumbled at the boy, crossing her arms petulantly.

James merely chuckled. "You have a toad for a pet? That's hilarious."

"They happen to make excellent pets," Lily insisted.

"Oh yes," James agreed, nodding eagerly. "The warts really add something the owl and cat are missing."

Lily leaned in toward the table, looking like she was going to divulge a big secret. Instead, however, at the last minute, she bent down to the goblet. "Don't listen to him, Toady. He's just being cruel."

"And you named your toad Toady," James observed lightly. "You really are something, Pigeon, aren't you? Way more than meets the eye with the average twelve-year-old girl."

"I'm actually eleven," she corrected, slightly embarrassed by how young that would seem to someone like James.

He brought a hand to his hair and pushed some of it back. "Oh, really, when's your birthday?"

"Next week, actually," she told him, not making eye contact. She felt pretty awkward.

"Oh, man, that's exciting! I'll have to get you something!"

"As long as it's not another used bra," Lily said, blushing.

"I make no guarantees," he said solemnly. Lily was positively gleeful at the prospect of him getting her something.

They were his old Transfiguration notes, and she was happy as a clam.

Ooooo

Lily hadn't interacted with James in over a month, and she as woman enough to admit that she was rather depressed about it. She had thought that they had a special kind of budding friendship, and she fantasized about it almost every night. After he had gotten her a birthday present, she thought that he might have gotten her something for Christmas; she checked her window excitedly every morning of the break, but he never owled her. When she came back, he didn't so much as come round to say hi. So here Lily found herself, staring gloomily out at the desolate February landscape, feeling very sorry for herself. She happily chatted with some of her dorm mates when she could, but she didn't have a truly good friend there. Last year she had had Severus, but they were hanging out less and less. Lily berated herself for thinking her thing with James was something that it wasn't.

Ooooo

Lily Evans was having a horrible day. Lily Evans was, perhaps, having the worst day of her entire life. She had overslept, causing her to rush to class without breakfast. As she sat there, she felt an odd heavy feeling in her abdomen, but what it meant to her didn't become clear until she walked up to Professor McGonagall's desk at the end of class to turn in her work. She wasn't likely to forget the laughter and jibes she heard as she fled the classroom any time soon.

She had tried to skip lunch too, not wanting to see anyone, but she was absolutely starving, and decided that she would have to pluck up some Gryffindor courage and face her peers. She was leaning against the wall near the Great Hall with her eyes closed, taking a few steadying breaths, when she heard his voice.

"Pigeon!" he called excitedly. Lily's eyes popped open, willing it to be anyone else. James ran up to her with a huge grin. "Are the rumours true? Are you finally a woman?" He gave her a charming wink as he asked.

"Oh go away!" she whined, the tears she had been holding back finally falling free. "You're the last person I would possibly want to see. What, you don't talk to me for three months, and then you just have to come rub the most mortifying experience of my life all in my face an hour after it's happened?" She turned sharply on her heels and started marching away from the Great Hall.

"Whoa, hold up," James called, catching up to her easily. "I was only trying to be fun. No reason to huff and puff."

"Oh, you were only trying to be fun? Well you can take your optimism and shove it," she said, trying to sound strong, but failing, as she was still crying.

James chuckled good-heartedly as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Alright, calm down. It's not as bad as you think."

"It's not as bad as I think? Today's supposed to be horrible for the average girl!"

"Ok, you got your period during class and people noticed. I'll admit, that's probably not the best time to get it, but every girl gets one. No one's going to laugh for very long." They were still walking idly away from the Great Hall.

"But they're laughing right now. And I'm starving, and I _really_ don't want to go in there."

"Wait, that's all you're worried about? No problem! One fine-looking Marauder to the rescue!" James called merrily.

"I don't understand," Lily stated after a few silent moments.

"Not to worry, Pidg, not to worry. All will become clear." He promptly led her under a tapestry, and within a few moments, they were standing before a picture of some fruit. As James started tickling the pear, Lily couldn't help but giggle, asking, "What are you doing?"

Instead of answering, James led her into the newly-apparent room, saying, "Welcome, dear Pigeon, to the kitchens!"

"I beg your pardon?" she asked, stepping in.

"The kitchens," he repeated, the grandeur from his earlier expression suddenly gone. "You know, where food is made?"

"Sure, ok," she agreed looking around at the new room. "And why are we here?"

"To get you food," James answered. "You know, for a brainy type, you really are quite slow."

Lily ignored the insult and turned to face him. "So your solution to my problems was to go and steal food?"

"Steal?" he questioned, throwing his hands over his heart melodramatically. "What kind of person do you take me for?" He pulled over a chair and sat himself down in it unceremoniously. After a moment, Lily did the same thing.

"Well, I was going to say a thief, but it wouldn't appear that you're a very good one."

"Oh, Pigeon, you wound me. I'll have you know that I'm an excellent thief when the situation arises."

"Oh, I bet," Lily agreed with an eye roll. "So, food?"

"Yes, food!" James shouted happily. However, no food was forthcoming.

"I'm not really sure what's going on here, but I'm really hungry," Lily said sceptically.

"Merlin, kids these years!" James exclaimed, "they've no patience at all!"

"I'm three years younger than you," she observed lightly, trying to hide the sting of him thinking her a child.

"Mmhmm, and what a difference it makes, Pigeon. What a difference it makes," he told her, slowly shaking his head back and forth as if deep with regret.

Lily waited a moment to see if he had anything else to add, but the boy was silent. "Right, so, food…" she began once again.

"If you would just wait one gosh-darned moment, you'd understand," he replied bitingly, but his eyes were bright and twinkling.

"Alright," Lily appeased, raising her hands in a show of surrender. True to form, a moment later, a house elf appeared before them.

"Mr. Potter!" he greeted excitedly. "What can I get for you today?"

"Hmm," James hummed, bringing a hand to his chin in mock though. "I suppose a plate a sandwiches would be spiffy," he decided. "But I think my friend here may need something chocolate. Can you work on that?"

Lily reached over and hit him lightly in the arm, but the elf had already left, saying "Yes, sir, right away!"

"I hate you so much," she deadpanned.

"Nah, those are the hormones talking. You love me." Lily laughed lightly, wondering just how close to the truth that really was.

They sat in silence for a few moments following, until James decided to break the ice. "So, tell me," he began, slapping his hands down on the table. "How does it feel to bleed out your vagina?"

"Oh, don't even go there."

Roughly half an hour later, after James had walked her to the portrait, Lily was feeling much better about herself. "Well, Pigeon, this is where I bid you adieu," he said solemnly. Lily made a face that let him know exactly how she felt about that, to which James gave a quick chortle. "Not anxious to see your classmates again, I take it. Don't think they've forgotten yet?"

"I don't think they'll ever forget," Lily whined, leaning back into the wall behind her.

"Oh, sure they will!" James countered confidently. "Someone will do something scandalous sooner or later, you can count on it." After this, James leaned in closer to her, something which caused her heart to speed up quite a bit. "Besides," he nearly whispered, "no bloke ever wants to get with a bird that hasn't blossomed." With a dashing wink, he was off, leaving Lily only with incredibly red cheeks and a lot to ponder.

Ooooo

"I cannot _believe_ they did that," Marlene said, taking a seat beside Lily in History of Magic.

"No me neither," Mary sniffed, joining the group. "They crossed a line."

"They're the worst," Alice concurred from where she was already seated.

The group of four would have look quite unusual to an outsider, as they were all dripping wet. When the Marauders had charmed the ceiling of the Great Hall to rain down on its students – only to pull out four matching umbrellas – they had indeed crossed a line: they had ruined these second years' hairdos for the day.

"I mean _really_ ," Marline continued. "I don't mind a good prank, but hair should be off limits." She was running a comb through her precious raven locks as they spoke, and her statement was met with three hearty hums of agreement.

"I thought it was kind of funny," Lily said mildly. She had pulled her still wet hair back into a ponytail, to keep the onslaught of frizz that would soon follow at bay.

Marlene scoffed at her statement. "You might be able to forgive them just because you're in love with one of them, but the rest of us still have a right to be upset."

"I'm sorry?" Lily said, feigning ignorance. She refused to make eye contact with her and maintained aloof, despite her blush.

"Oh, come off it, Lily. We all know you're mad about Potter."

It was at that moment that Professor Binns chose to start his lecture, and Lily was incredibly grateful for the distraction. As she pulled out her quill and ink, she couldn't help but think, _am I really that obvious?_

Ooooo

It was a mid-March night and Lily was the only one in the common room. She almost always kept a very strict bedtime regiment, but she had only realized at dinner time that she had done her entire Transfiguration essay incorrectly, and was forced to stay up until the wee hours of the morning to fix it. She indulged in a big, loud yawn, as she looked at her watch and saw that it was two thirty in the morning. This was the latest she had ever been up in her life.

Lily heard the portrait open, and she looked up to see the Marauders walk in. "Pigeon!" James cried excitedly, coming over to her couch. He looked very pensive.

"Hey," she said softly. She wasn't entirely sure what she was supposed to call him – was 'James' too personal for someone she'd really only spoken to a handful of times?

"You have flaming red hair," James observed. Lily nodded her head in slight confusion, not trusting her voice to speak. "And your birthday is rather close to Christmas," he noted. He considered this for a moment before concluding, "it must have been hard for you when you were younger."

"Where is this coming from?" she asked with a small smile.

"Just a sudden bout of empathy," James insisted animatedly.

"Just a sudden bout of firewhisky," Remus corrected.

Lily chuckled briefly, before returning to staring at her essay. "Say, isn't this rather late for you Pidg? I thought your bedtime was _hours_ ago!"

Lily rolled her eyes, wishing, not for the first time, that she wasn't so much younger than him. "Finishing an essay," she said, by way of explanation.

James gasped dramatically, snatching the scroll out of her lap. "You didn't finish this days ago? You waited until the last minute?" He sounded as though he was making the revelation of the century. "Why Pigeon, I feel like a proud father," he declared, wiping a fake tear out of his eye. Then he glanced at the title of the essay. "And of course, it's Transfiguration," he said with a smile. He grabbed for her quill and turned to the last page, reading the opening sentence for that paragraph. He quickly started scribbling something down, much to Lily's protestation.

"It needs to be in my own words," she had claimed. "You haven't read the rest of the essay; it won't make sense," she had tried instead. "If you write it for me, I'll never learn," she had even thrown out there in desperation. Finally, she went to her last ditch complaint: "McGonagall will see that it's not in my handwriting," she told him, anxiety evident in her voice.

At that moment, James finished, and tossed the scroll back to Lily. "Your writing's actually pretty similar to mine, Pidg. G'night!" He took a light jog over to the boys' staircase and disappeared upstairs. Lily quickly read over what he had written, before heading to the stairs herself, albeit much slower.

Before she shut her eyes, she had only one thing to say: "James Potter. Even when you're drunk, you're a genius."

Ooooo

"I'm so excited we'll be flying again," Alice said happily, buttering her toast.

"Speak for yourself," Lily groaned, covering her face with her hands. "The highlight of last year was the knowledge that I would never have to get on a broomstick again in my life." Their new defense teacher this year, Miss Southwick (who refused to be called 'Professor Southwick," to avoid sounding old and boring), had decided that flying should be in the second and third year curriculum, lest they be in a situation where they needed to flee from danger.

"I'm happy to fly again for class, but I don't really see how it's necessary for Defense Against the Dark Arts," Marlene observed. "I mean, the only way I could fly away would be if I had brought my broomstick with me, which is a little unrealistic."

"Tell me about it," Lily whined, having said the same thing to Miss Southwick just yesterday. "I tried to tell her that an entire class would be too much for her to handle, and you know what she told me?"

"What?" Mary asked curiously.

"She's recruited the four Quidditch teams to help each of their houses!" Lily had declared this in quite the upset manner, but the other three girls didn't seem to share her opinion.

"That sounds fun," Mary said, not seeing the downside.

"Yeah, I'd love to learn from them. I bet they're great!" said Alice.

"What's the problem, Lily?" Marlene questioned.

"The problem? The problem is that now I have to embarrass myself in front of my own Quidditch team too! I was okay when it was just Madam Hooch and my own year, but now my disastrous flying skills will be the talk of my entire house," Lily complained miserably.

"I doubt they care that much," Mary argued reasonably.

"You know, for someone who got her period in front of her entire class, I would have thought you'd be more accustomed to embarrassment," Marlene pointed out, earning her a crust of bread in the face.

After a few minutes of eating, Lily had a shocking realization. She sat straight up, catching the attention of her friends. "James is on the Quidditch team, isn't he?" she asked anxiously, causing all three girls to start howling with laughter. "What about this is funny?" she hissed, wishing they would quiet down. "I don't get it."

"Lily," Marlene explained between sniggers, "you have got to be the only person in all of Hogwarts that doesn't know that Potter's our star chaser."

"I mean, come on," Alice said, wiping her eyes. "If you'd been to a single game, you would have known that."

"Oh shut up," Lily told them, but she didn't get to go much further, because two hands came down on her shoulders.

"What's so funny?" James asked, turning Lily's entire face bright red.

Lily instantly called out "Nothing!" but it was drowned out by Marlene snidely saying, "Lily didn't know you were on the Quidditch team."

"Pigeon!" he cried, sitting down backwards on the bench beside her. "Could this be true?"

"I knew, I was just verifying," Lily claimed indignantly.

"I'm crushed all the same," he said dejectedly.

"So Potter, we hear you're going to be helping us with our flying," Mary said, with a wink at Lily.

"Ah yes, the Captain did say something about that. You don't mean to say that that's _your_ class, Pigeon?" He was waggling his eyebrows at her a little.

"Oh, no, must be someone else's," she insisted quietly, casually wiping some hair out of her eyes.

"She can't fly," Alice whispered loudly at him, as if it were the secret of the century.

"Can't fly?" James questioned, leaving his mouth agape. "That must be so embarrassing," he said with a smirk, adding, "for you," looking right at Lily.

"Yeah, yeah, it's mortifying," she said picking up her bag and swinging it over her shoulder. She glared at each of her friends before starting toward the doors to the Great Hall.

"See you in class, Pidg!" James shouted merrily at her retreating figure.

Ooooo

The one benefit of the flying classes, Lily mused as she waited for them to start, is that she was able to wear something other than Hogwarts robes. She had opted for track pants and a Beatles t-shirt, pulling her hear back in high ponytail and slipping on some runners. She felt that she looked very athletic, even if she was really anything but.

"Alright second years!" someone called out, and Lily turned to look with a sense of dread. The boy was very tall and strongly built – she assumed it was the captain. "Miss Southwick has asked us to improve your flying skills. Of course, you all learned how to fly from Madam Hooch last year, so I feel no need to go over the basics." Lily thought her stomach might just drop out of her body at those words. "So, I want everyone up in the air. We're going to start going in slow laps around the pitch." He concluded his small speech by clapping his hands, and a few confident students immediately started flying up.

Lily bent down and picked up her broom (never having quite mastered the 'up!' command) and stared at it as if it was the most offensive object in the world. While most of the class was now in the air, she was incredibly relieved that there were a few others who didn't feel comfortable with that. Members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team started coming up to each of these students, and it looked as if Lily would be getting the captain. She couldn't decide if she was terrified at the prospect of being approached by such a large, imposing seventh year, or simply relieved that it wasn't James.

"Hey Red," he called, zeroing in on her, "why aren't you up?"

Lily opened her mouth, about to explain that she simply couldn't get there, but at the last moment, she changed tactics. "I'm afraid I have terrible cramps. I simply can't fly today."

"Cramps?" he asked, clearly surprised by her answer.

"Menstrual," she elaborated in a cheery tone.

The boy looked uncomfortable for a moment, but then he appeared merely annoyed. "I think you can manage; why don't we get you on that broomstick?"

"Oh, no, I can't. They're debilitating."

"Debilitating?"

"Yes, the cramps."

"Alright, look here. I'm captain of the team, and I'm in charge. I'll be the one who grades you, so get on that broomstick now." Lily was actually a little afraid of him now, but not as much as she was of flying. She took a step back, trying to think of what to say.

"Hey, Jake," James said, stepping in beside him. "A few of them claim they never learned in first year, so I figured I'd take them over by the lake and do some remedial classes." Jake nodded in acquiescence. "Why don't I take her too?"

The captain looked as though he was going to put up a fight, but after a deep sigh, he threw his hands up in the air. "Fine, take her. I'll be glad to get rid of her."

"Splendid!" James exclaimed, giving Lily a wink. Then he reached over and took her broomstick, before walking over to the group and down to the lake.

"Thanks," Lily said quietly as they were setting up.

"Don't even mention it," he said happily. "Besides, I have heard that you can't fly – that is, even when your menstrual cramps are permitting." She shoved him playfully, then took her broom back and headed over to stand with the other students.

Ooooo

"I think I've realised to problem with you kids," James told Lily wearily, while packing up the broomsticks after practise. It had been an absolute disaster, and not one the second years was any closer to being able to fly by the end of it.

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" Lily inquired. The entire session had been very embarrassing, and she just wanted to go back to her dormitory.

James stepped in closer to her, and Lily's breath hitched. He leaned down the foot's difference in height, putting his mouth next to her ear. "You don't want to learn," he whispered, his warm breath sending shivers down her spine. He pulled away and started toward the pitch.

"Accurate," Lily called out, not turning to look at him, keeping her red face from view.

There would only ever be two more flying lessons for Lily's class, and by the end of them, she still hadn't so much as hovered in the air.

Ooooo

As the days grew warmer and the school year started to draw to a close, Lily observed many of the annual springtime changes at Hogwarts: students were frequently seen skipping class to sit by the lake, one could no longer study in the library, as it was occupied by the fifth and seventh years, and every conversation revolved around exams. One change that was new, however, was political. Lily had been an avid reader of the _Daily Prophet_ since starting at Hogwarts, and because of this, she had known that there were wizards who were against muggleborns like herself. In the past few months, though, things had taken a significant drop. The newspaper now contained stories of muggleborns killed in hate crimes and anti-muggleborn protests at the Ministry, and the effect could already been seen at Hogwarts. Lily was on the receiving end of several jibes from Syltherins in all of her classes; they stung, but she refused to give them any notice.

Everything changed for Lily when she was coming back from Professor Slughornn's office. Try as she might, she was unable to have her essay ready to submit for class that day, and had promised that she would have it ready before curfew. She had kept her word, but looking at her watch, she noted that she only had seven minutes to make it back to the Gryffindor tower – a nearly impossible feat. In her haste, Lily had ignored the tell tale signs of trouble and, when rounding the corner, walked head first into a group of four fourth year Slytherins.

"Oh, look what we have here," one of them sneered at her. "A little mudblood who thinks she can go walking around in our turf whenever she wants."

Lily let out a nervous laugh. "I think if you check the time, you'll see that for the next six minutes or so, I'm allowed to be anywhere in the castle. So if you wouldn't mind moving, I'll just be on my way…" She was dismayed to see that, if anything, the four inched closer to her, forcing her to back into a wall.

"I think we need to knock her down a peg, don't you?" Another asked creepily. He was so close now, Lily could smell his foul breath.

"Definitely," the first one agreed. "Would you like the honours, Snape?" he asked, gesturing at the one with long, greasy black hair.

" _Sectumsempra!_ " Lily heard an instant before a sharp, piercing pain ran down her upper arm. She immediately brought her left hand up to it, and was eerily shocked to find it come back bright red and sticky.

"Oh, look, she's surprised. Dirtier than you thought, mudblood?" The one they called Snape uttered _sectumsempra_ again, and she felt another stabbing pain, running parallel to the first.

Just when the group was laughing about what to do with her blood, a new voice rang out from across the hall. "Now Snivellous, I know it's really fun to stab twelve year old girls and all, but surely you'd prefer to pick on someone your own size?"

As brightly coloured lights erupted from either end, Lily started to feel very woozy, and slid down to the floor. Her eyes had just started to droop shut when she was called back to consciousness. "Hey Pigeon," the voice cooed, as she blinked groggily. "'Low James," she greeted with a big smile. She felt arms go around her, and was soon aware of the fact that she was off the ground. She must have made a sound of curiosity, because he went ahead and answered he unasked question: "Oh, I just thought I'd move you before you needed saving again and I'd have to fight off _another_ gang of Slytherins." He gave her a wink, and she decided to lay her head down against his chest and close her eyes.

Ooooo

Lily awoke with a jolt and quickly came to the realization that she was in the hospital wing. A few moments later, Madame Pomfrey was at her bed, preparing a potion. "What happened?" she asked groggily.

"Mr. Potter brought you in overnight. You'd lost a lot of blood. Drink this," she instructed, handing her a red concoction. "It'll help replenish."

"How did I lose the blood?" Lily questioned, to which Madame Pomfrey gave a stern nod toward the potion. Lily started drinking it, noting that it tasted metallic, but not too unpleasant.

"I don't know, dear," she told her sadly. "It was dark magic, but I hadn't seen this spell before." Lily finished the potion, wiped her mouth, and put it down on the bedside table, while Madame Pomfrey continued. "Once I managed to stop the blood flow, I put some dittany on your arm, but I'm afraid there will still be a small scar." Lily checked, and she did, indeed, find two white lines running up her arm that burned to the touch.

After assuring Madame Pomfrey that she was perfectly fine, she was finally allowed to leave the hospital wing. She had missed her morning classes, but was only about five minutes late for lunch. As she walked through the doors into the Great Hall, she could feel several pairs of eyes on her, and tried to make her way to the Gryffindor table as inconspicuously as possible. James Potter, however, had other plans. "Pigeon, you're alive!" he called out as she neared where he and the other Marauders were sitting.

"So it would seem," she replied nervously, with a few less decibels of volume.

"Glad you're still with us," he told her, with a charming smile. Lily was feeling quite warm and pink from the attention.

"Thank you," she said sincerely, making direct eye contact. She would never be able to repay the debt she now owed him.

"Don't mention it," he said good-naturedly, with a dashing wink. Lily nodded awkwardly and continued down the table to sit with the other second year girls.

Ooooo

As Lily Evans made her way toward the platform in Hogsmeade, she thought back on her year. She thought of her triumphs (mostly academic) and her failures (mostly academic). She thought of the many times she embarrassed herself, as well as the few times she managed not to embarrass herself as much as she normally would. She determined, at long last, that her year was rather unremarkable.

When she reached the train, she saw that most of the students had already boarded. She hurried along and planted one foot safely on the first step, bending over to hoist her suitcase up. In the process, however, she miscalculated and started to trade places with her luggage. Before she could even truly recognize her impending collision, a pair of strong hands steadied her. As she righted herself, she looked up into the same pair of hazel eyes that had invaded her every thought since that fateful October morning. "Whoa there Evens!" he called out, picking up her bags effortlessly. He offered her a hand, which she took, and helped her onto the train. "Better watch yourself. Hate not to see you around next year." He gave her another one of his trademark winks, and left toward his compartment.

Lily squeaked out a "Thank you," but James was already considerably far away and gave no signs of having heard it. Once he was safely out of sight, she leaned against the wall and let out a large sigh. She was simultaneously torn between wishing she'd never met him and wanting to be in his arms forever. Embracing both sentiments, she lightly touched her right hand, missing James's larger, warmer one.

 _Alright, maybe the year wasn't_ completely _unremarkable_ , she thought with a slight smile. She allowed herself to daydream of James for another precious moment, before setting out to find a compartment.


	2. Chapter 2

Lily Evans was quite jittery and nervous as she crossed the barrier to platform nine and three quarters to begin her third year at Hogwarts. It was nothing like the anxiety she had felt her first time, nor the apathy she felt for her second. As much as she was opposed to the idea, she knew that the jitters were brought on by a certain messy-haired, bespectacled boy nearly three years older than her. In fact, they were brought on by the same messy-haired, bespectacled boy who had occupied her thoughts all summer long. Lily wasn't too happy that these thoughts consumed her without her permission, but that didn't stop her from anxiously scanning the platform to see if he was there. He wasn't, and the prospect simultaneously filled her with relief and disappointment.

As it turned out, Lily didn't see James at all that day. She didn't see his friends at dinner, and she wondered if they had all missed the train. As the week progressed, she did see his friends occasionally, but James himself had yet to make an appearance. She had tried to ask her friends if anyone knew what happened to him, but all they did was make fun of her, so she didn't pry. One day, as she was on her way from Arithmancy to Potions, she was just starting to wonder if he had maybe he had transferred to a different school, when she collided head first with another student and tumbled to the ground, her books spilling everywhere. Blushing wildly, Lily kept her head down, allowing her hair to cover her face, while she tried to grab all of her books. "I'm so sorry," she muttered, failing to identify that since she was the one on the floor, she probably didn't have to apologize.

"Pigeon, you don't even recognize me!" the voice cried, and Lily looked up. And up. Towering above her was none other than the subject of her earlier musings.

"Hey," she squeaked, picking up the last of her stray papers. James offered her a hand, which she happily took. It was warm, strong, and calloused.

Now that Lily was up, she was able to more closely examine the teenaged boy before her. He had had a major growth spurt over the summer; where he was once only an inch or so taller than her, he now easily had over a foot on her. He was also sporting a yellowing bruise over his cheekbone, and Lily felt a wave of something unfamiliar roll through her. "Haven't seen you around much," she said with a dry mouth. Her voice sounded high and fake.

"Ah, you know, I've been around. Here, there, and everywhere, as Paul would say. Mostly detention." Lily gave a decisive half laugh. They were silent for a few awkward moments, until Lily pointed in the direction she was previously heading. "Potions," she elaborated.

"Dashing!" he responded brightly. "I'll walk you." With that, an arm was around her, pushing her forward. She complied. "So, how was your summer?" he asked in a satirical manner.

"Warm," Lily managed to choke out. James chuckled.

"What a coincidence – mine too!" He swung her back and forth jovially. "But seriously, how was it?"

"Oh, the usual. I never really like summer." She was incredibly happy that she seemed to be sounding like a regular person.

"You don't like summer? My world is turning into a black hole."

"I don't get along with my sister much," Lily admitted, subsequently wondering why she had done so.

"You have a sister? I didn't know that," he muttered to himself."Younger?" James guessed. Lily shook her head. "Older? How much?"

"Two years," Lily informed him softly. She could see recognition filter through his features.

"But she isn't…?" James trailed off, trying to find the right word. Lily shook her head again. "I see how that could be uncomfortable," he conceded stiffly.

"Yep," Lily agreed, popping her 'p' a little. Part of her wanted to elaborate, to confide in him, but something stopped her and she kept her mouth closed.

They came to a stairwell and James stopped moving. "This is where I leave you, Pidg," he said solemnly, before turning to head upstairs. "See you around!" he called out at her, and Lily nodded back at him. She replayed their conversation as she made her way to the dungeons, and it was only as she was taking her seat that she was finally able to identify the mysterious feeling she had experienced earlier: Lust.

Ooooo

Pretty soon it was the end of September, and time for Lily's first trip to Hogsmeade; even though she was sure it would turn out to be much more boring than everyone maintained, she couldn't help but be a bit excited. Marlene, Mary, and Alice had asked Lily if she'd like to tag along with them, and she was so happy not to be going along, that she instantly agreed and acquiesced to their entire schedule. She felt a twinge of regret about that decision when Mary nudged her awake at six in the morning. "Why did we have to get up so early again?" Lily mumbled, three quarters asleep.

"Come on, Lily, you promised you'd get up early so we could get to all the sights in Hogsmeade," Mary answered. It was the exasperated tone of her voice, rather than the content of her message, that reminded Lily that she was not a part of their friend group, and as such, wasn't entitled to exasperate them. With a soft groan, she rolled out of bed and started getting ready to go.

All in all, the day ended up being very close to how Lily predicted – the stores contained nothing that the ones in Diagon Alley did not and the sights were largely mediocre, but the ambience was very nice, and she always enjoyed feeling like she had friends. Alice had even convinced Lily to buy one of those comically large lollipops clearly meant for young children at Honeydukes. She was about a quarter of the way through it when the four girls ran into the Marauders.

Lily was just stomping around like an idiot, making fun of their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, when she heard someone exclaim "Pigeon, is that you?" Lily froze; there was only one person that could be. She turned around to see James Potter leaning against the exterior wall of the Three Broomsticks. "You're old enough to come here now?" Lily couldn't decide whether she should be happy that she was proving herself old, or embarrassed that he thought she was that young to begin with. She chose neither and blushed. "Um, yep," she squeaked, adjusting her hair.

"Gosh, it seems like just yesterday I was coming to Hogsmeade for the first time," he said with a fake sob. "What're you lot up to?"

"Um, we were just…" Lily trailed off, trying to come up with a mature option. "We were off to the Shrieking Shack," supplied Alice in a singsong voice.

"Oh really?" asked one of James's friends, Sirius Black. "Why would you want to go there?" He seemed to be holding back a snicker, but the rest of Lily's party didn't notice.

"Well," Alice continued. "They say it's haunted!" With that, the group of boys started howling with laughter, and the other girls finally realised that they didn't ask out of genuine interest.

"Come on ladies," Marlene declared indignantly. "We don't need their approval." She walked them toward the Shrieking Shack with her head held high.

The other girls recovered from the incident rather quickly, but all Lily kept thinking was that James must think she was so young.

Ooooo

"Um, Lily?"

Lily turned around from where she was nestled with her books. "Elroy," she replied, acknowledging the Hufflepuff boy from her year standing in front of her.

"Do you mind if I sit here? Everywhere else seems to be full." Lily looked around at the rest of the library and noticed that every other table already had a handful of students at it.

"Not at all," she answered with a faint gesture at the chair opposite her. Elroy made quite a fuss of pulling out the chair, taking out his book, and arranging his things. Lily could never truly feel ready to work without a two metre radius of solitude, but she was just starting to get back in the zone, when –

"So, it's really crowded today, huh? I guess we weren't the only ones to leave our Charms paper to the day before," Elroy said with a shy chuckle.

Lily had opened her mouth to chastise him for interrupting her studying session once again, but he caught her off guard. "What Charms paper?" she questioned, her voice laced with panic.

"The compare and contrast on the different levitation charms," he said slowly. "Don't worry if you haven't started; you're so good at charms, I bet you could get it done in—"

"Oh, I handed that in weeks ago. Forgot it was due tomorrow." Lily turned to go back to her book but was unsuccessful once more.

"If you finished the Charms paper, then what are you working on now?" Elroy asked, flabbergasted.

"Our History essay," Lily said impatiently.

"But that was just assigned yesterday!" cried Elroy. "It's not due for weeks!"

"Yes, but I like to get my work done early, so it's less stressful. Also, all the good books are checked out if you wait too long." She felt like she was explaining household rules to a toddler.

"Lily, can I level with you?" he asked, changing the pace and sincerity of the conversation.

"Okay," she agreed hesitantly.

"I hate studying in the library," he stated simply.

"Okay, then why did you come to the library? Why not stay in your common room?"

"To see you." Lily blinked a few times, utterly perplexed. "Look, Lily, I was wondering if maybe we could go do something together some time?" He seemed shy and awkward.

"Uh, sure, of course, sounds fun," she answered. She could always use another friend.

"Great, it's a date!" Elroy proclaimed happily. "Well, I'll see you around then," he said as he packed his things and left the library with a big smile on his face.

Lily sat back in her chair and replayed the conversation, and at the end, she was completely confused as to how it had ended up there. She thought to herself, _did I just become Elroy Abbott's girlfriend?_

Ooooo

Lily Evans was concerned about the rumour mill at Hogwarts, as she told Marlene as they sat down before Divination a few days later:

"I'm concerned about the rumour mills at Hogwarts."

"Oh? Do you mean to say that you're not going out with Elroy Abbott?"

"Well," Lily faltered. _How had this gotten to be such a mess?_

"You are, aren't you? How could you, Lils? He's like a lost puppy."

"Don't say that about him, Marl. He can actually be pretty charming and–"

"Besides, even if he wasn't just imprinting, we all know you're in love with James."

"Marlene! I am not! Why would you insinuate—"

"So you mean to tell me that you legitimately want to date Elroy?"

"Er…" Lily had a bit of a problem wherein she was unbelievably stubborn. She knew about said problem's existence, but that helped her not at all in taming her insatiable pride. "Yes, I really want to date him." It was as Marlene's eyebrows tilted up in surprise that Lily realised this situation was never going to blow over. She was in. She was Elroy Abbott's girlfriend.

Ooooo

Having a boyfriend, Lily quickly realised, was an exercise in smoke and mirrors. Everywhere she went, her recent relationship status had become her calling card, yet she had only had one conversation with the boy in question since the event took place – a small, awkward exchange of half sentences, wherein the only useful piece of information garnered was that she was to call him Roy.

This held out for a week or two, until Elroy, seemingly at whim, had decided that it was time to sit beside Lily in every class they shared – Charms, Transfiguration, History of Magic, Care of Magical Creatures, and Arithmancy. Although she was aghast at first, it soon brought about a degree of reliability about which Lily could previously only have dreamed. No longer did she have to make the long trek to the outskirts of the grounds alone. No longer did she anxiously look around the classroom with a rising heartbeat when a teacher suggested partnering up. No longer did Lily have to endure being called a nerd when she went to the library; it was now regarded as her sneaking away for some couples time. She was even getting used to having Elroy by her side – he was occasionally sweet, generally very quiet, and always very respectful of her constant strive for academic success. Although there was the slight downside that she was growing further and further away from he fellow third year Gryffindor girls, Lily would say that she was starting to acclimate to the life of having a boyfriend (and she did, in her diary the night she realised).

One mid-November Saturday afternoon had her sitting across from Elroy at the library, as she was wont to do. There was a Ravenclaw-Slytherin Quidditch game going on, so they were taking advantage of the ample room and putting up with the periodic cheers and hollers. "Hey Lily," Elroy interrupted from the other side of the table, to which all he got was a simple shush from his girlfriend. "Lily? I was hoping to talk to you."

"End of the chapter, Roy," Lily answered absentmindedly. Fifteen minutes or so later, she shut her book and looked up. Stretching her back, she inquired as to what he wanted to talk to her about.

"Well, you know there's a Hogsmeade trip next weekend?" Lily murmured her assent. "Well, I was thinking you might like to go with me?" He was turning pink around his ears.

"Oh, of course, yeah," Lily answered quickly, bobbing her head up and down. "Sounds fun."

"Oh, good," Elroy sighed, visibility relieved. He returned to his Transfiguration notes.

Lily found it very unusual, but she was suddenly feeling deeply uncomfortable at the core of her abdomen. Hogsmeade wasn't that big a deal, right? After all, she'd been, checked out all the sights. It was barely more interesting than the castle, save for the possibility of buying copious amounts of candy, and Lily hadn't felt bad about being Elroy's girlfriend thus far. Somehow, inexplicably, Hogsmeade just seemed like such a serious step, and she began to feel simultaneously guilty and embarrassed.

Wait, embarrassed? Did she just feel embarrassed? She definitely did, but why? Everyone knew they were dating – people had even named the two of them Lilroy and there was hardly a soul in her year that hadn't already commented to one of them on it. However, no sooner had she asked the question than the answer slipped into her mind: _James._ She doubted he really stopped to pay attention to most of the third year gossip, but she didn't want the fifth year to see her with Elroy in public. Why, might one ask? Well, because she was absolutely bonkers over the bloke who ate her breakfast a year ago.

 _Oh Lily, what's that? Had an epiphany? Re-realised something you knew last year and expect it to be different? Well guess what – James would never want to date you, girl! You're not even thirteen yet!_

That established, Lily still could not figure out why the prospect of James see her with Elroy would cause her such shame. After some consideration, she determined that she did look rather awkward next to him, as he was an inch or two shorter than her. Lily also supposed that while Elroy was three months older than her, he still looked very young, and she'd rather give off the impression that she regularly dated older blokes.

But surely James seeing her with any boy would make her seem more mature, no? Dare she suggest it might even make him jealous?

As Lily mulled this over, the earlier feeling of dread returned to her gut. She'd been pretending to study for nearly twenty minutes now, as she thought about her recent date offer, but not once had she considered the boy behind it. One thing that she could determine for certain was that if the number one perk of going on a date with her boyfriend was that it might make a different boy jealous, her relationship wasn't long for this world, and she'd be the cause of its demise.

Ooooo

"'Lo Lily," Elroy greeted the morning of the Hogsmeade visit. Lily was all bundled up in her winter gear and was starting to perspire. "Ready to go?"

Lily nodded emphatically. "Merlin yes. I'm so hot I'm ready to die."

Elroy gave her a quizzical look. "Why didn't you just take off your coat?"

"Because then I would have had to go through the hassle of putting it back on," she said with a sigh. "I thought you were going to be here fifteen minutes ago."

"Oh, sorry," Elroy replied, noncommittally. Lily tried her best to let the matter drop as the pair of them headed out the front entrance. Once they were outside, she paused and took a deep breath of the cold air in the hopes of dispelling her frustration. Although the temperature regulation brought about intense relief, it didn't stop Elroy from noticing the delay. "What's wrong?" he asked, oblivious.

Lily took another deep sigh, trying to decide whether to take issue with his behaviour or let it go. Ordinarily, she would have chosen the latter, but she knew it was just going to ruin the chance of her enjoying the issue, so she went with the former. "Why were you so late?" she asked softly.

"I don't know," he answered with a frank pout. "I guess I just wasn't watching the clock closely; got caught up with the guys."

Lily irately pinched the bridge of her nose, briefly thinking of the number of times her father had said to her ' _I swear Lily, you must have been a glasses wearer in a former life.'_ She truly despised when Elroy referred 'the guys' like a variation of the royal we. She always had the distinct impression that he'd heard the phrase somewhere – perhaps on television, and forced it to fit into his own life. Moreover, she always felt like he was posing for a camera, and in this instance, it sounded more like he was bragging than apologizing. "But you knew I was waiting for you. Why didn't you try to be on time?" she appealed.

"Sorry," he said defensively. "I didn't think waiting a few minutes would really bother you so much."

"It was fifteen minutes," she snapped, in spite of herself. Taking the intensity down two or three notches, she added, "You know it's different for me than it is for you, right? I don't have a million friends, and I just stand there awkwardly."

"Oh, don't give me that—" Elroy started.

"I really hate it, okay?" she cried. "I really hate it, and if you care about me, then you shouldn't want to make me go through that."

He took a deep breath, as if to say something, but then let it out instead. "You're right, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"Thanks," Lily said quietly. She wanted very much to go back to her dorms and slip into bed.

"Now, can we go to Hogsmeade?" he asked cheerily. Lily nodded slightly, and they began walking to the carriages. Once they were settled and on route, Elroy slipped his arm around her and gave her a big smile. She returned half-heartedly and tried not to release a few tears. She didn't oppose the idea of an arm around her, but found she didn't want it to belong to the boy beside her.

Ooooo

Although bad in her books, Lily supposed her date was actually very average. Most of the day was spent awkwardly wandering about, each of them trying to act too cool to actually commit to a location.

"You want to go to the Shrieking Shack?" Elroy had asked, but Lily had answered "I went there last time, and it wasn't very exciting."

"Want to grab a drink at the Three Broomsticks?" Lily had tried, but Elroy had declared it "too crowded."

They agreed to sit down at Madame Puddifoot's, but upon walking in, taking in the scent, and observing the menu, they marched right on out.

They had decided to venture in to Honeydukes, but Elroy announced that he was put off by a lot of sugar and didn't want to purchase anything. Lily felt his eyes on her as she went around the store, and abstained from buying the buckets of candy she would have otherwise.

There were lots of questions that followed the pattern of "Where would you like to go…?" that were always answered by flipping the question on the other person.

Eventually, the couple happened to wander past Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop, and Elroy gathered up as much pluck has he could (which, bless his soul, wasn't all that much). "Do you mind if we stop in here?" he asked Lily. "I have a bit of a quill collection, and I'd love to see if they have anything new."

"That would be great," Lily exclaimed, happy to have a destination for the time being. If she had realised, however, the magnitude of the trip, she would have reconsidered her response.

"Just how seriously do you take your quills?" Lily asked as lightly as she could. She had just finished her third lap of the store, and was still utterly perplexed as to how the management made enough money to keep the place afloat. There were quills with different colours of feathers – this, she could get her head around. There were also quills that had artificial tips altering the thickness of each stroke – this, too, made some sense. She supposed that experimenting with the size of the feather could be fun as well, but beyond this, the differences between quills seemed undetectable to her. Mysterious words kept being thrown around: swish, grip, gait, coat. And was it plated? How about the rarity? On top of this, the store was very warm and humid (to protect the feathers, of course), and Lily didn't know how much more of this she could take.

"Very," he answered bluntly, closing the matter for discussion.

"Sorry," she said, trying to be patient. Her hand crept up to the bridge of her nose again. "I'm just trying to get a sense for time," she explained.

"Why don't you go look at the stationary?" he suggested, without looking up from the selection of quills before him.

"I did already."

"Okay, how about the ink?" he tried. He sounded very much like a frustrated parent finding busywork with which to distract their toddler.

"Looked at that too," she said with false brightness. She sounded simultaneously cheerful and irate.

"And?" he inquired, his voice laced with condescension.

"I like black ink," she answered simply. Elroy took a deep sigh and finally turned around, likely ready to get mad at her, so she spoke pre-emptively. "Look, I don't want to rush you, and I definitely don't mean to belittle," she said, proud of her eloquence. "But you'd like to keep looking at quills, and I'm starting to feel a little queasy in here, so how about I go get some air, and you can come find me when you're finished?"

"Where will you be?" he asked with scepticism.

"Tomes and Scrolls," she said happily; it was the only place she wouldn't feel self-conscious going to alone. She had seen it briefly last visit, before she was herded out by Marlene, but she suspected she could wander its shelves for hours. It even looked better than Flourish and Blotts, since it didn't seem to have any flashy books about wizarding scandals or juvenile spells – just sincere magical academia.

"Alright, sounds good," he admitted. "I'll head over there once I'm finished?" He actually seemed relieved to be getting rid of her. Lily nodded happily and escaped the confines that were Scrivenshaft's.

Once outside, she gulped down some cool air, before making a beeline straight to Tomes and Scrolls. As she walked, Lily started to question all of her interactions with Elroy, ad she felt her level of guilt and panic rise with every one. She started to worry she was taking advantage of him; using him as a social crutch, without any romantic entanglement. She started to get concerned about what this meant for the rest of her year, and how this reflected on her, as a person, and was about ready to cry by the time she arrived and Tomes and Scrolls.

She paused only to appreciate the wonderful smell of old (and new, for that matter) books, before diving into the first shelf. She was so enamoured with the chance to leave her emotional baggage at the door and focus on her relentless pursuit of written knowledge, she didn't even notice she was about to walk none other than James Potter. She was actually beginning to feel calm again when the event took place, so when a strong hand arrived on her shoulder, halting her forward motion, and it was accompanied with a "Whoa there, Evans," she was quite put out.

Lily looked up into the face of the boy who was ultimately responsible for all the grief she was experience this afternoon. After all, she wouldn't feel this guilty about dating Elroy, if he wasn't here to make her relationship seem inadequate, would she not? She reckoned if he weren't always popping up flirting with her, she'd be having a fine year. But no, he has to constantly make innuendos, play hero, call her affectionate nicknames, and take an emotional dump all over her life.

It took longer to articulate this than to deduce it, and as such, when she looked up and verified the voice belonged to James, she threw her arms up in vexation, exclaiming "Oh great, it's you!" swiftly interrupting his comment about how she really must stop giving in to her constant desire to run into him. Following this, she turned sharply on her heels and marched in the direction.

She made it two steps before his hands came down on her shoulders. "Whoa, whoa, pigeon. Don't wound me." He spun around in time to see a tear escape one of her eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked, his expression turning sober.

"Nothing. I'm fine," she said, her voice breaking despite her best efforts. She hastily wiped at her eyes.

"It's not nothing if you're crying about it," he insisted. Lily reckoned this was the most serious she'd ever heard him. When she didn't respond, choosing instead to stare at her feet, he took a guess: "Boy trouble?" he teased. Lily nodded her head, still avoiding his eyes, embarrassed that her strife could be so accurately paraphrased by such a foolish title. "No, really?" he asked brightly. "Wow, pidge," he reflected, removing his hands and sending one into his gorgeous hair. Gorgeous? Adequate. Definitely just adequate.

"I mean, I know I'm not terribly well versed in the third year gossip," he continued. "But I didn't think you were really the dating type, Pidg." Lily's cheeks flushed red at the comment, and it was at that moment that she realised how embarrassed she truly was. She never wanted to be the kind of girl with boy trouble, so she was mortified just by nature of having it. Beyond this, she never wanted to converse about said problem, and admitting it to the boy who starred in all of daydreams was taking things to a whole new level.

"Okay, well thanks for the insight," she snapped, starting toward the exit. This earned her an arm slung around her shoulder, as she was slowly steered back into the store.

"I'm sorry, that was insensitive." His uncharacteristic sincerity put an end to her protests. When Lily didn't say anything further, he added, "Look, everyone dates in third year and discovers it's not as exciting as people make it out to be."

"I didn't want exciting," Lily answered quickly, before she got stereotyped. "I was happy with easy. I'm just not as happy with angry and murderous."

James let out a surprised laugh. "Alright, what did he do?"

Lily let out a deep breath, stalling for a bit of time. "Nothing really," she eventually replied, truthfully. "It's just me being stupid."

"Of course it's stupid; that doesn't mean it doesn't matter." Lily became very interested with the floor. "Out with it," he ordered.

"Well, it's just…" Lily trailed off, not wanting to reveal her neuroticism. Finally she forced it out. "We agreed to meet at half past nine, and I was there, all bundled up and ready to go, but he was twenty minutes late for no particular reason. I called him on it, and he couldn't see why I was upset. It's like he expects me to strike up casual conversation with anyone in my vicinity, and I can't do that." James was silent for a moment, and even though Lily's mind was screaming at her to stop, she continued. "And then he vetoed every place I want to visit, essentially including Honeydukes. The only place he want to go was Scrivenshaft's, to spend half an hour looking at identical quills." James laughed, but didn't comment. "Is this just what dating is like? Should I just give up?"

"I think that's kind of a personal question you ask yourself, Pidg," he said, chuckling. "I don't know why you think I could add insight."

"Well, you're a boy," she continued indignantly.

"Very true," he granted with a smirk. "Well Pidg, I can't answer for all guys, I can only answer for me. But if it were me, I wouldn't have kept you waiting."

"Oh yeah? You're punctual?" She took punctuality very seriously.

"Not at all, no, I would have been very late. Especially since you tried to meet for half past nine," he said with fake shivers. "But I wouldn't have told you to wait somewhere public unless I knew I was going to be there."

"Yeah?" she asked, semi dreamily. Lily would be lying if she said she didn't like the turn this conversation had taken. She liked the turn, and she liked where it seemed to be going. Very much.

"Of course. Everyone can see you're introverted. It's not that big of a mystery, nor is it that hard to accommodate for it."

Lily noted that the conversation no longer seemed to be heading somewhere good. "That obvious?" she asked sadly.

"Yeah, actually, it is. And if your boyfriend doesn't understand that, then it sounds like he doesn't understand you very much." Lily considered this for several moments. She had thought that all the blame in the relationship lay with her, for not being all that romantically interested, but perhaps some lay with him as well. "Besides, he was late to a date with _you_? That instantly makes him a scoundrel," he informed her with a wink.

"Thanks," Lily said, equal parts sarcastic and honest. Lily was considering asking James about his first dating experience, but the idea was set aside when the two of them were interrupted by the opening of the front door.

"Hey Lily," called Elroy, not wanting to actually move into the store. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, just a second," she replied. She turned back to James, who cocked an eyebrow at her, and looked like he was containing his laughter. Lily blushed furiously, thinking of how pathetic she must look to him with a boyfriend like Elroy. "Well, I'll be off," she told him, trying to keep her chin up – something that was, in fact, mandatory for everyday conversations with the boy now. "Thanks for the talk. I'll leave you to your… human transfiguration," she said, leaning around to read the title of the book of his hands. She made a face at the subject matter, earning a chuckle, and then turned around.

"Anytime, Evans," he told her. She went to Elroy without a look back.

Ooooo

Lily had thought, after how disastrous she felt during her date, that her relationship might soon come to an end, but if anything, it made Elroy even more satisfied. He chatted contentedly all the way back to Hogwarts, and walked her up to the Fat Lady. Then he turned to her. "Alright, Lily, be honest with me. Did you have a good time today?"

Lily decided that she should be completely honest and upfront with him. Then she opened her mouth and out came, "Yeah, of course."

Elroy smiled, and admitted, "Me too."

The couple stared at each other for a few moments, each one more awkward than the last. This was definitely the part of the date where he was supposed to kiss her, and he didn't seem to be doing that, but he didn't seem to be leaving either. What was she supposed to do?

After another few eternal seconds, Elroy broke the silence. Shifting nervously from foot to foot he said "Alright, well, bye Lily!" He turned and continued down the hallway.

"Bye Roy!" she called at his retreating figure. Lily held a weary hand to her face and took a minute to herself, before giving the password and going straight to her room.

Ooooo

After her date, Lily suspected that she would have to break up with Elroy. She thought this with such an intense urgency, like every cell in her body was screaming at her to do the deed.

What a difference a night makes. Lying in bed, Lily had not only decided to end things with Elroy, she had imagined exactly how she would do it, and was itching to jump up and have it over with. This morning, she was timid and meek. She barely wanted to get out of bed, and she avoided looking anywhere near the Hufflepuff table, lest she have to make eye contact. Come lunchtime, she had decided that it would be easier to simply continue dating him than to have this confrontation. By the end of lunch, more than half of the Gryffindors in her year had asked how her date went, many of them with falsetto voices, attempting to make things awkward for her. She gave them noncommittal answers, and went back to her inner musings.

By the end of the day, she'd mastered and tweaked her thesis to: _dating him isn't all that bad, is it?_

Ooooo

Lily sat in the Gryffindor common room, tucked away in a corner with Frank Longbottom, collaborating on a particularly lengthy Ancient Runes assignment.

"So I told you I ran into Potter and Scrolls and Tomes?" Lily prompted, during a small stretching break. Frank nodded his assent. "Well, when I was leaving, I noticed he was checking out the human transfiguration section," she declared scandalously.

"Okay?" Frank asked slowly, clearly missing the significance Lily seemed to find in that anecdote.

"Well, he has the huge persona, and part of it is that he's just naturally brilliant in school, without having to try." When Frank didn't comment, she continued. "So clearly it's just an image he's projecting, because he obviously studies Transfiguration – his best subject, by the way – in his free time!"

"How do you know that's what he was doing?" Frank asked. "Maybe he was trying to get a quotation for an essay, or buy a gift."

"Well, I looked at the fifth year curriculum this year, and human transfiguration isn't on the curriculum. As for a gift, who would possibly enjoy receiving that?" She had some pride in her voice that she had produced such compelling points.

"I can see you've put a lot of thought into this," Frank told her. Lily noted that he sounded slightly judgemental.

"I just find it curious, is all," she said with a deferral wave of her hand.

"Curious? Why?"

"Well, you know. He's our star quarterback, so to speak." She could see Frank about to interject, so she clarified: "Our finest chaser." She received a nod of understanding. "Anyway, seeing Hogwarts' athletic pride and glory out recreationally studying seems a bit curious to me."

"You talk about Potter a lot," he observed. His face was a mask, but she sensed he was internally amused.

"Well, it's just cause he's always bumping into me. And he gave me a nickname, you know, so he was always going to get part of my attention," she explained away. She hoped she wasn't blushing, but it was hard to tell. The room did seem a little warm.

"Uh-huh," Frank deadpanned.

"What are you insinuating?" Lily demanded. A voice in her head warned _'Pride, calm down; quit while you're ahead,'_ but she ignored it.

"That your head over heels for the bloke." Lily's whole face flushed bright red.

"I am not!" she cried.

"Really, Lily? You're going to try and deny you don't fancy the boy you've just spent the past hour discussing?"

"What about you and Alice, huh?" she barked, changing strategies. A good offense is always helpful.

"That's totally different," he insisted. When Lily asked why he elaborated: "For one, we're both thirteen. For another, I'm not already in a relationship."

The comment stung, but Lily filed it away. "So your situation is different, because dating her is much more feasible?" she summarized. Frank agreed. "Then why don't you go ask her out? She's right over there, not talking to anyone."

He considered this for a few seconds with some obvious inner turmoil. "It's exactly the same," he admitted glumly. The pair of them sat in their corner for a short while in silence. Eventually Lily leaned her head down on Frank's shoulder, and he brought a comforting arm around her, causing Lily to sigh. It still wasn't the arm she wanted, but it was better than her boyfriend's.

Ooooo

 _You know something's wrong in your life when you're dreading you birthday_ , Lily thought wryly to herself as she lay in bed on the morning in question. She used to love her birthday, back when she would spend it with her parents, back when she and Tuney were still friends. Now all it generally did was make her homesick. The past two years, almost no one had even known or remembered it was her birthday, and though that made her sad, she didn't want a huge embarrassing ordeal.

This year, she felt like she might get a huge, embarrassing ordeal. Elroy had been hinting all week to the fact that her birthday was coming, and that she better leave it open. With what, exactly, it would book up was unknown to her, but she abided nonetheless.

Lily was always an early riser, and this became much more pronounced on important dates, so it was currently five in the morning. She was mildly concerned that her evening might be taken up by Elroy's antics, so she decided to kill time by studying Charms (she really ought to be studying Transfirguration, but it was her birthday, so she thought she'd live a little). Around an hour and a half later, there was movement in the other beds, and one very sleepy Alice emerged. She walked all the way over to Lily's bed before realising the girl in question was awake.

"Oh, cure your early-bird heart," she whispered, after a surprised gasp. "Would it be possible for you to close your eyes for a few minutes?"

Lily chuckled as she closed her eyes and clasped her hands over them for extra effect. A few moments later, Alice told her she could open them again, and Lily saw a large card with a brightly coloured 'Happy Birthday!' on the front. Even though she was ambivalent about the boy, she couldn't contain her excitement. It had been three years since someone had made a big deal over her birthday, since it was already Christmas by the time she came home.

Lily snatched up the card and opened it, earning herself a mouthful of magic confetti. That dealt with, she read the message in Elroy's perfect scrawl:

 _Dear Lily,_

 _Happy Birthday! I hereby officially welcome you to the Thirteen Club. Your present is waiting for you at the foot of your bed, and I've got something special planned for tonight. Try not to study too hard!_

 _Love,_

 _Roy_

Lily tossed the card aside and scrambled off her bed to open her present. After tearing the paper off, she lifted the lid off the box to find two books: _Magic Outside of Mankind: How to Traverse Natural Habitats_ and _Fifty Everyday Spells for the Modern Day Witch_. Lily couldn't help but feel a sting of pain as she considered the two novels. How much thought had really gone into these? He knew she liked books, so he bought the first two he saw? She was female, so she supposed the second one made sense, although, as a gift from her boyfriend, it also felt a bit misogynistic. The first one, however, made no sense at all. She'd even mentioned to Elroy, on more than one occasion, that she didn't have much interest in camping or day trips, as she liked staying home together. Hell, they had Care of Magical Creatures together, and she told him she regretted taking the course.

Lily climbed back into bed, disappointment visibly radiating from her. In an effort to restore her earlier glee, she picked back up the card and admired the colour on the front. Then she opened it and admired his handwriting, rereading the card, right up until the signature. She tripped over it, and verified that he indeed did sign with 'love.' Then she read it a hundred more times. Did he really mean love? He hadn't said it to her, nor she to him. They hadn't even kissed. They hadn't even had a deep conversation.

Lily put the card down on her bedside table and pulled the covers up over her head. It was going to be some birthday.

Ooooo

Breakfast was actually wonderful. All the girls wished her a happy birthday, and Mary had prepared some waffles with whipped cream and cherries on top for her when she came down. Unfortunately, however, soon after breakfast came Transfiguration, one of the classes she shared with Elroy. _Because starting my birthday with Transfiguration wasn't bad enough already._

"Happy birthday!" Elroy cried as he slid into the spot beside her. He gave her a brief, awkward hug.

"Thanks," she said with a small smile. She quickly averted her eyes, hoping not to giver herself away.

"So, you're having a good day so far?" he asked conversationally.

"Yeah." She nodded for extra effect. "I woke up super early, but I always do."

"How early?"

"Earlier that Alice," Lily answered knowingly. "But thank you. That was really sweet."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! The card was so beautiful. I'm kind of in love with your handwriting." Lily hoped he didn't notice she was avoiding bringing up the present.

"Thank you," he told her, for lack of something better to say. "I used my five gage, silver plated peacock quill." Professor Mcgonagall entered the room and started to walk to the front.

"Is that a good one?" Lily inquired, clueless.

"Yes, very good. Saved it just for you." Lily nodded along, trying to look appreciative. She watched Mcgonagall enchant a piece of chalk to write the date on the blackboard, and she opened her notebook and did the same, to avoid saying more on the subject. "Did you get my present?" Elroy asked after a moment.

"Mm-hmm," she answered, adding her name at the top of the page, then the subject and teacher. Finally she watched the chalk title the lesson ('Linguistic Transfiguration') and added that too.

"And?" he prompted. "Did you like it?"

"Yeah," she informed him. She could tell by the expression on his face that she would have to say more, but she was frankly at a loss for what to say. She opened her mouth and was prepared for nonsense to flow out, but she was saved by Mcgonagall.

"Alright class, settle down," the professor said sternly and the class became silent. "Today's lesson is an important one, especially for those of you who make glaring mistakes halfway through essays." She gave key looks to a few students, and Lily was thankful she wasn't one of them. Especially in Transfiguration, where her practical mark was so low, she took her written, theoretical assignments very seriously. If she made a mistake, she rewrote the whole essay correctly. "When this unit is complete, it will no longer be acceptable for you to hand in papers with words crossed out or inserted in the margins."

Lily continued to listen to Mcgonagall with rapt attention, thankful not only for the very interesting lesson that seemed would be very helpful when mastered, but for the fact that she was saved from an awkward exchange with her boyfriend. Around ten minutes into the lesson, she had a marvellous idea that would potentially spare her from having to have the conversation during the practical component of class. Flipping to a blank page in her notebook, she used her quill to scrawl a quick message. Then she passed the notebook, open to said page, to the boy sitting next to her. It read:

 _Thank you so much for the books! They look really interesting, and I'm sure I'll learn loads! This is my first birthday at Hogwarts that's actually being celebrated, and you're making me feel very special._

Elroy scanned his eyes over the note and then looked up. She gave him a big smile and he beamed back. He picked up his quill and looked like he was about to write something, so Lily swiftly snatched her notebook back, not wanting to be caught passing notes by Mcgonagall. She pointed at the professor for extra effect, and Elory seemed to understand, as he turned back to the lesson. Lily gave herself a mental pat on the back for expertly manoeuvring through that situation. However, the fact that she thought she deserved praise for something so trivial made her a little concerned for how the rest of the day would play out.

Ooooo

Fortunately for Lily, and Lily alone, in the next period she shared with Elroy, she was assigned an Airthmancy assignment that would be due the following day. Since Elroy wasn't going to argue it didn't need to be done, Lily then secured the whole afternoon to herself. It wasn't until she was going down to dinner that she had to resume worrying about her birthday date.

As she was walking down the Gryffindor table, Frank called out to her, having not had a class with her today, and wished her a happy birthday. Lily called back a thanks, but before she could resume walking, a voice spoke out immediately to her left. "Pidg, it's you're birthday?" the voice questioned. The owner of said voice jumped up from the table and stood before her, towering over her as usual.

Lily nodded and gave a noncommittal _mm-hmm_. She usually treasured her interaction with James, even though she usually embarrassed herself, but she was in a mood tonight and had her mind on other things. "You're thirteen?" She nodded again. James pretended to wipe away a tear from his eye. "It seems like just yesterday you were crawling around," he started, his voice intentionally breaking. Lily sighed loudly and waved her hand around her head in a shooing motion, treating him not unlike an annoying fly. Then she marched right past him and continued toward the other third year girls. One might argue that she had chosen an apt metaphor for her feelings about his behaviour toward her, but she heard James make a joke about moody teenagers as she walked away.

Dinner was pretty uneventful – Lily remained quiet throughout the meal – but she had barely made it three steps out the doors to the Great Hall when Elroy met up with her. "Did you finish the Arithmancy assignment?" he asked her, hopeful. Lily nodded yes. Much as she would have liked to lie and have more time to herself, she didn't have it in her. "Great," he said happily, "Let's head this way then," he told her, heading toward a lesser-used entrance. Neither of them said anything for a minute or two, and Lily was so distracted by the awkwardness of it all, it took her an embarrassingly large amount of time to realise she was missing key piece of information.

"Hey Roy," she started, getting his attention. "Where are we going?"

He smiled. "Well, you can't come to the Hufflepuff common room, and I can't go to the Gryffindor one. The library will be full, and there's a class in the Astronomy Tower tonight. So I figured, with all that going on, we could just walk around."

"Oh," Lily said, disappointed. "Sounds good," she lied. She was doing a lot of that today.

In the end, the date wasn't that bad. It was very awkward, but that was to be expected. She learned a lot more about Elroy, some of which was positive, some negative. Overall, the entire date felt very juvenile. He talked a lot about his relationship with his mother and about his best friend from back home, who went to Durmstrang. He also talked about school, a little, the various teacher, classes, assignments. They didn't hold hands and he didn't kiss her goodnight at the end, but she was pretty sure she heard him say he loved her before he left. As she walked toward the fat lady, she knew they couldn't continue their relationship. Their maturity levels were too different and neither of them was significantly attracted to the other, just only one of them knew it.

Lily sat with the girls in her year after curfew but before anyone wanted to go to bed. They chatted about gossip and teachers, and Lily only half listened. It was only then that she realised how much she missed her parents and Tuney. She just wanted a good old birthday like she had for the first ten years of her life, with a home made cake and presents. Then she wanted to crawl into her mum's arms and hear about how special and loved she was. Even though he had done nothing truly wrong, Lily ended up being quite mad at Elroy for steeling her birthday from her, so to speak. She was so homesick, guilty, and generally upset, she was holding back tears as she got ready for bed, and ended up sneaking downstairs to cry an hour later.

Just as she was really getting her ugly cry on, none other than James Potter walked downstairs. Lily frantically wiped at her eyes, but she was a few precious seconds too late. "Lily?" James asked, coming up to her. When she replayed the conversation in her mind later, she would wonder at how rare it was for him to use her first name. At any rate, Lily remained silent, causing James to come up and take the seat next to her on the couch. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lily whispered, looking away. She knew her face must be a warzone, and she was terrified her voice would break if she said anything further.

James put an arm around her and pulled her in so she was leaning on his shoulder. _Finally_ , proclaimed the voice that had protested at Elroy and Frank's arms. "You and I have different definitions of 'nothing,' I see," he remarked. "Wait, isn't it your birthday? Nobody should cry on their birthday."

"I hate my birthday," Lily sobbed melodramatically, in spite of herself. When James prompted her, she blabbed away as though he had plucked the filter between her brain and mouth away himself. "It just reminds me of when I used to be with my parents and get along with my sister. But they're back at home, getting older, getting closer to death, while I sit here where everyone hates me. And now my sister hates me and nobody celebrates my birthday. And I'm a year closer to the grave."

Lily heard James mutter something about regretting asking and the complexity of girls' emotions. "Everyone doesn't hate you here. Why would you think that?"

"Well, I have no friends, and half of everybody I meet already hates me because my parents are muggles."

James swore under his breath and opened his mouth, presumably to badmouth the people who would think that, but she could almost see the gears in his brain turning as he decided to lighten the mood instead. "I don't hate you," he told her. "I kind of like you," he teased. Lily cracked a smile. "I don't mean to diminish your earlier concerns, but is that all that's bothering you?" he asked after a moment.

Lily toyed with the advantages and disadvantages of spilling her gut about Elroy, and while she decided that she wouldn't – largely because it would just make her seem younger and more immature than she already did – she somehow managed telling him anyway. "I think I might have to break up with my boyfriend. He ruined my birthday."

James laughed but cut it short. "How did he do that?"

"Okay, he didn't really. But he put no thought into my gift, and got be a book on Care of Magical Creatures, when I've told him I really dislike that class."

"Hmm, alright, I'll rate that one as tarnishing your birthday, but not ruining. And boys don't listen the way birds do, you know, so don't expect so much out of him. Did he do anything else?"

"He took me on the worst date ever," she declared, fully indulging in her pity party.

James chuckled. "Setting the bar high here, Evans. What did you do?"

"We walked around. For two hours."

"Alright, that's rough," he admitted. "You didn't go anywhere, or slip into any broom cupboards?" he suggested, with a distinct eyebrow waggle.

"No, we didn't. We didn't even hold hands." _Why am I telling him this? This makes me sound younger not older!_

James coughed awkwardly. "So you just walked, then? For two hours?"

"Mm-hmm. It would have been even longer, too, but luckily I got an Arithmancy assignment today that's due tomorrow, so I had the afternoon to myself."

James sniggered. "Well, Pidg, that does sound bad, but I don't think he ruined your birthday, sorry to say."

Lily thought for a few more seconds, trying to see if she could produce a trivial detail that would tip the scales. "He told me I had horrible handwriting."

"What?" James asked wildly. "He did not."

"He did," Lily said, as if she was discussing the latest gossip. "He said he'd have to teach me how to write properly." 

"Well that's it then; you were right. He ruined your birthday," James said, shaking his head.

"Thank you," Lily told him, laughing. The laughter died out and they were both silent.

"So you said you want to break up with him?" James questioned, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. Maybe. No. I don't knot. I really don't want to break up with him. I just kind of want to be broken up with him. It'd be nice if he'd do it."

"If only," James said wistfully. "You want my advice?"

"Not really."

James snorted. "Well, I'm going to give it anyway. Most third year relationships don't even make it to two months, so don't feel obligated to keep going. You sound miserable, and it doesn't sound like he's taking the relationship too seriously either."

"He said he loved me," Lily countered, glumly.

"What?" James cried. "What did you say?"

"Nothing. He said it as he was leaving."

James let out a deep breath. "Okay, change of plan. This bloke clearly doesn't understand what relationships are or what they're for, so I think you'd actually be doing him a favour if you ended things and gave him some time to figure it out."

Lily sniggered herself and sat up, even though her body was crying at her to go back into his arms. "Thanks for that," she told him. "I should really head back to bed." She turned toward her staircase and was about to give him a wave, when,

"Hey Pidg." Lily turned back toward him. "I can be your friend."

"What?" Lily asked, flabbergasted.

"Well, you said you didn't have any friends. And it sounds like you're having a really hard time. I just wanted to tell you that I like you, and _I_ can be your friend."

Lily couldn't contain the huge smile that she broke into. "Thank you."

"Alright, go to bed," he instructed her, with a wave not dissimilar to the one she used on him at dinner earlier in the evening. When she was halfway up the stairs, he called back at her again. "Hey Pidg." She stopped climbing and looked. "Happy birthday," he said with a smile.

Ooooo

Even though Lily was fairly certain she should break up with Elroy after her chat with James, she still couldn't muster up the courage in the following days, and then she got distracted with cumulative exams. As soon as they were officially in mid-term session, Elroy approached her, and explained that he knew she took exam time very seriously, and was happy to give her her space while she was studying. With that miraculous act of kindness and good fortune, Lily got her alone time back, and she had briefly decided to give him a second chance. Inevitably, however, they ended up chatting the night before holidays, and Lily concluded, once again, that this facsimile of a relationship was doomed.

She'd changed sides on this decision so many times, she felt like a tennis ball.

When she got home, she was greeted with homemade Christmas cookies, warm sweaters, and seasonal cartoons. It was just want she wanted out of her birthday two weeks prior, but she found she couldn't enjoy it either, for feelings of dread and guilt deep in her gut. Asking to be excused, she went up to her room and sat at her desk.

She had to break up with Elroy. She had to do it right now. The idea of waiting even a day longer was eating her alive from the inside out. Regrettably, she took out a piece of paper and began writing.

 _Dear Elroy,_

 _I'm sorry to be doing this now, and in this medium. I always thought I would be the kind of girl to do this face to face if the situation were to arise, but I hadn't made up my mind last night, and now the idea of waiting until the end of the holidays seems unfair to us both. What I'm trying to tell you, Roy, with a heavy heart, is that I think we should break up._

 _I don't want you to think it's anything you've done wrong, because you've been sweet and wonderful. The plain fact of the matter is, that after two months, I just don't think I like you in that way. I also don't know that I'm ready for a boyfriend at this time in my life. I'm still getting accustomed to life without my parents, and my schooling is my absolute top priority._

 _I know this is going to sound clichéd, but I still do really like you as a friend. I've gotten to know you so well over the past two months, and I'd hate for that to go to waste. I don't know where I'd be without you beside me in half my classes. But I also don't want to sound like I'm offering you a consolation prize. I completely understand if you want to be friends, but I also completely understand if you'd appreciate it if you never saw me again. Just say the word, and I'll leave you alone to the best of my ability._

 _I want to say again, how truly sorry I am to be doing this to you, and especially over owl. Thank you for taking an interest in me; I'll never forget your kindness._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Lily_

As horrible as she felt for sending that letter, she finally felt as if she could enjoy her holidays. That night, Lily went to bed, and she daydreamed about James guilt-free for the first time in two months.


End file.
